I never posted this....

I never remembered to post this :(  This was our amazing fundraiser that we completed back in April.  It was so wonderful!  I think the video explains the project, but if you want more info, or would like to do it for your adoption, hit me up at taramglenn@yahoo.com and I will happily explain how it went.

I want to give a public BLOG shout out to our team.  They were amazing.  In fact, some of them decided to even further invest in Ms. Betty's life, and remain in contact with her, continuing to help her out when needed!

I love my friends and family!

Spring is here!

It has been a long wait for our son. We are blessed that we started early, anticipating that adoptions can be uncertain. We wanted to keep as much chronological space between our son and Rosebud as possible. Well, not too much. Just the right amount :)

All that to say, it is not a complaint that adoption takes a long time, but rather an expectation. As we wait for our son, it is strange how life continues on and even stranger how easy it is to let thoughts of our son slip from our forethought. For one, it is painful, and and I tear up now as I think about my many feelings for my son and for the children waiting. For another, it isn't yet tangible. Our relationship has not yet been decided by a government and so it is slippery to hold onto it. Our son is an unidentified child, still mostly just a belief that our family shares that there is a child that belongs with our family. I have posted a picture that my husband has placed in his office. He used a google search to find a picture of Lesotho. Not sure how accurate :) the pic serves to make our son real, to keep our son in his prayers, almost like the bonding that begins when as a pregnant belly grows, making our son present. I found it to be such a sweet gesture.

The news on the adoption front is that the wheels have begun to slowly
turn again. A new Principal Secretary has been appointed, and by report, we hear she has a heart for her nation's children and is supportive of adoptions. It feels good to have positive reports. From what I understand she would like to have a matching meeting as soon as she can, but it is likely she will have a lot of work to do. Her department is changing and there be work on the infrastructure that will need tended.

When I read this news on another mom's blog, it was 11 o'clock at night and my brain flooded with what-if's? The logical side of my brain cautioned against optimism. But I indulged in the happy what if's and found it hard to sleep. It felt nice to allow hope in. Admittedly, my hope was laced with OMG there are so many logistics to work out! I am hoping that I will have these crazy anxiety thoughts enough before i need them to inoculate myself by the time our BIG news comes. In summation, nothing has changed for our family structurally, but I feel like my hope has been invited to come out of hibernation. It has always been there and was resting, but it will grow as a new season for our adoption brings about exciting changes! Spring is here! I am praying that hope, love, joy and patience will find nourishment :)

Our prayer requests stay the same!

Our son, his family, our family, orphans everywhere, and that God takes care of the logistics :)

I want to mention that we have been truly blessed, and The Lord has loved on us through our friends and family. My next post will be about these blessings!!!!

Dear Supportive friends and family members,

For awhile, I have wanted to write a post about how to expect our parenting style to differ with our second child as compared to our first.  I want people to be prepared for what may seem odd or out of character for me, my husband, and my family.  Those of you who know us, know that Rosebud is a spirited little creature, and has created parenting challenges that I have been surprised to face.  As a therapist to children, and in many ways, to parents, it has been a blessing to my practice that I have been able to learn many things with my ornery, intelligent, challenging, and magnificent Rosebud.  BUT, my second child will likely have a completely different set of needs.

I can account for Rosebud's attachment to my husband, me, her grandparents, etc.  I know that we have modeled appropriate bonding and helped her create safe boundaries with the world around her.  I cannot say the same for my second child.  I pray everyday for my son and his mommy.  I pray that he learns how to bond and that their time together, however short, is beautiful and precious.  But my son will be an orphan.  And because of this early trauma, he will need me to be a different kind of parent than I am for my Rosebud.

I need my people, my support, those I count on, to be ready for this too. My lovely Aunt Nanette shared this blog with my mother, who shared it with me.  I am attaching this  post, and  I would like 'my peoples' (as Rosebud would say) to read it.  To know what we are in for.  To pray in advance for what is to come, and to know what to expect of us.

 The Truth About Adoption-Jen Hatmaker

Thank you for reading and your support!

T

Continued prayer requests include:

• For my son, his physical, spiritual and emotional needs to be met in his journey from his family of origin to his family here.  That the Lord prepare his heart to be grafted into our family.  For his mother, for the loss/pain/trials that she is facing or will be facing.  That she knows Christ's love and peace.
• For my Rosebud. To prepare her to be the sister that our son will need her to be.
• For orphans in Lesotho and across the globe, including our country.  That the Lord continue to provide for them and love them through his people.
• For me and my husband.  That by his Grace, we grow into the parents that our children need us to be. 
• For the more practical stuff.  The money for the adoption. The logistics that will need worked out. All the stuff we cannot yet account for.

Surrender

It has been A LONG time since I have posted.  It is safe to assume that if I'm not posting, there is not much to say.  Elections have been completed in Lesotho and when I last spoke with our agency's director, the country was in the middle of appointing new Principal Secretaries.  We are praying that the social welfare dept. is appointed with a P.S. with a heart for orphans.  So, here we sit and wait.

This journey has been both easier than I expected and more difficult. Someday maybe I'll write about how it has been easier, but today, let me describe what has been tough.   I am not patient. Its not that I can't handle the waiting, its really the uncertainty that is taxing. When will things begin moving? Will we ever even BE matched with a son? What is the plan, exactly?

 When we spoke with our director earlier this year, she indicated that there were other options to explore outside of the Kingdom of Lesotho.  You can imagine our conversations as we rapidly swung from one side to the other in pondering the wisdom in changing programs.  And then, I heard God's voice. (It should be noted that I have never claimed to nor never expected for the Lord to speak to me directly, and so it came as quit a shock.)

The morning after our email conversation with the director, and following our conversations flooded with different types of emotions, I lay in bed.  I began praying for clarity.  I had also asked our family to pray for clarity.  I needed an ANSWER.  And, spoiler alert, I received one.  It is important for you to note that there was a specific child we were considering considering (if you can understand that). So, as I lay there, my inner thoughts abruptly concluded that 'this is not our son'.  I said to myself, but is that just my thought?  Where did it originate from?, how can I tell if this is God?, and so on.... and then interrupting this pattern of questioning.... "I have a son for you". Clear and bold. These words were different from my own. I began to tear up (as I often do when I pray).  I was stunned and quiet.  My confusion was immediately gone and certainty took its place.  It was difficult to accept.  Throughout the day, I challenged this idea that we had to wait longer, and tried to get myself excited again about the possibility of making a switch, of setting out a plan.  But I couldn't get pumped up.  We had an answer.

And that is where we are. The Lord did not guarantee us where our son would come from, or when we would meet him.  One thing I noticed about myself throughout my fertility treatments and even during my pregnancy, is I find comfort in information.  I was practically a fertility nurse by the end of my 3 month journey through fertility treatments.  I knew medication names, time lines, anatomy functions, etc.  By the end of my pregnancy, I knew when C-sections are indicated, what placenta previa was (even though I never had it), how to restrict my diet in case I should get gestational diabetes.  ALL of it.  Adoption is not like that.  I have read parenting books and studied how to increase attachment and bonding and how to handle the challenges of a conspicuous adoption.  BUT, nothing can tell me when/if an African government will continue an adoption program; if orphanages will have everything in order to help children get matched (you can imagine how limited on resources they are); if we will get matched, when they do eventually have a meeting; how old our son will be;  what barriers there are, and how I can prepare for them.  I know none of it. 

I started running in the morning.  That is another post for a different kind of blog :) But on these runs, I find time to talk to Jesus.  I love talking to Jesus.  And as I was chatting, I felt urged to surrender.  To surrender to the not knowing.  The day before my walk/jog,  I had emailed our director for the second time this month to press for any scrap of knowledge she could share, and so I knew what I was meant to do.  I am supposed to stop Google'ing any combinations of the words "Lesotho, adoption, principle secretaries, blogs, orphanages, etc."  I am supposed to leave our sweet and dedicated director alone.  {Please note this is not my advise to other families waiting to adopt. This is personal, and about my faith}.  For me, clinging to knowledge helps me feel less vulnerable.  And so, to allow my relationship with the Lord to grow, I have to let go of the side of the pool and trust that my life vest is going to keep my head above water. No amount of knowing keeps me safe and no amount of knowing gets my son closer to us.  And so I am learning to rest. I find myself stretching for that pool side often, but pray that the Lord helps me let it go again. 

I feel like this is everything my blog posts have been about so far. It is my own journey in learning how to trust in the Lord.  Fully. Not just the, yes BUT kind of faith.  But the all in, unguarded hoping and praying for everything, believing in the outcome and His will kind of faith.  I don't have it yet.  I have found the Lord is gracious in comforting me and supplementing me when my faith has faltered. So now as I love my son from far away, I wait hopefully, expectantly,  lovingly, mostly faithfully and somewhat patiently for our first encounters.

Speaking in Hymns

The Lord seems to be speaking to me in hymns.  As I processed the news that we could be matched this week (even though it is a low probability), I got a little hyped up.  There are so many ways in which we are not ready.  The financial cost of the adoption process being the biggest on my mind.  And so, Monday night, I find myself full of energy with nowhere to really place it.  Finally, Michael and I prayed together, that the Lord's will be done, and that I be provided peace (the supernatural kind because I do not always come by it naturally).  And so, I awoke this morning singing in my head "It is well with my soul." I felt the calming presence of the Holy Spirit as I started my day.

As I sometimes do when I am in work meetings, I started writing a letter to Jesus.  And realized what the letter boiled down to, is that I am asking for a miracle.  A miracle that the Lord provide the finances and the timing for this adoption to take place.  For the miracle that Rosebud is ready for a brother when he comes, and for all the other specifics to fall into place.  I've asked for a lot of things from the Lord, but a miracle seems like a huge imposition.

A friend from work gave me a worship cd, and when I hopped into the car on my ride home tonight, "Great is thy Faithfulness" was playing.

All I have needed, Thy hand hath provided-

"Great is thy faithfulness," Lord, unto me!

When I look at my life, this could not be anymore true.  The Lord blessed me with a little girl despite my infertility. He sustained us through unemployment.  He was faithful in helping me follow my calling despite my many attempts to stray from His path.  Great is His faithfulness.

So tonight, I rest in His love and MERCY, knowing that I have never deserved His miracles, but have always received them. I know he loves my son and my family and that through Him, all things work together for good... (Romans 8:28). A God who sent His son to die for me, provided a way for the miracle of salvation before I even knew I wanted it....surely that God is faithful and hears my prayers.

The Very Near Future

So I just read another blog from a Canadian couple.  They indicated the matching meeting is MAY 16TH!
That really is the very neat future.  If you are sure what I'm referencing, read "Forward Motion", then come back and read this post.

Forward motion

We have really been wondering about what has been going on in Lesotho.  We rarely bother our agency with asking, because they are good at keeping us informed, so we assume if we haven't had news, there is no news.  We had noted that a family was completing their adoption and were in Lesotho, but we had not heard anything about new matches being made.

UNTIL Last Friday... buh buh bummmmm.  Our agency's director emailed us to let us know that Lesotho was planning a matching meeting very soon (when adopting internationally, you become very used to things being vague. It cannot be helped).   What is a matching meeting you ask?  In my understanding, government and other professionals get together to discern orphans who are eligible to be placed for adoption.  The meetings are intended to be held every quarter, but that is sometimes challenging.  There are four countries that are approved to adopt in Lesotho.  Each country(and the one agency that represents them) is given the opportunity to present four families to be matched with a child during these meetings.  Many things are considered.  The needs of the child, the goodness of fit for the family, and so on.  Our director let us know that there are currently four families from the US that have been waiting quite a while to be matched. 

HERE IS THE PART THAT INVOLVES US: Because it has been such a long wait between matching meetings, our director has indicated that the government is considering to allow more families to be presented by each country/agency.  She emailed to tell us that she will be attempting to get us on the list of eligible families to be matched in the very near future.    There are so many variables.  1. Clearly, we are serving children. If there are no children to be served at this time, we will wait longer.  2. The government and other professionals have not fully committed to considering additional families. 3. Its international adoption, so just imagine all the other things, and pretend that I wrote them here.

We truly believe in the Lord's timing.  I know he has his hands in this, and I know that he loves our son, and is caring for him.  In a future post, I will share my personal reactions to this news.  To know me is to know that there were a lot.

PLEASE PRAY FOR THE FOLLOWING:

• For the children waiting for families
• For the other families waiting to find their children
• That doors are opened and that the Lord is able to move in a big way in this process
• For the financial barriers we face in this adoption
• Pray to bless our director, our agency, and the professionals that serve orphans everyday.  That they experience the Lord's blessing for following their calling and serving His children.

We are so excited to hear even this snippet of news.  For us, it is good to hear that there is forward motion.

P.S.  We've wrapped up our Both Hands project as a fundraiser.  I will post an update on that soon.