Authenticity

I have always felt somewhat embarrassed about my own personality traits that cause me to disclose tons about myself.  I call it 'living out loud'.  People get to know the good and the bad pretty quickly.  Recently though, I feel called to become more transparent. I want to be authentic.  I feel this quirk about me can maybe be useful, to let others know that I, this screw up of a young lady, who makes social errors, says things she shouldn't, and has truly selfish thoughts, am in love with Jesus. While this blog is mostly about my family's adoption journey, I wanted to put out there for whoever is interested, what I mean when I talk about my God.


 For those of you who don't know me, I want to tell you what I believe.  I believe that there is a God, who wants a relationship with all of his children, so much so that he sent his son to die for you and for me.  (If you want more information on why a son would have to die, please comment or email me.  I would love to talk to you about this). The amazement that comes with knowing Christ is understanding that being good is not the requirement.  Through Mercy, we are able to have a relationship with our God, a relationship that we will never earn or deserve, but one that is already offered to us. Finding God’s love for us is less about our own actions and more about figuring out what is already there. The Lord is actively seeking after each of us.  Loving us when we are our most unlovable.  (Like I mentioned earlier, if you want to know more about what I mean, shoot me an email, or if you have my number, call! J )


And so in previous and future posts, this is the God I am speaking of.  I am talking about the Lord who created the universe and who loves me, who loves my family, and whose heart breaks for the hungry and the poor in the same way it breaks for the rich and the lost.  If any thing I ever write about God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, or anything else is confusing or compelling, please email me: taramglenn@yahoo.com. I know I will not have all the answers, but it will be nice to hear from you ;)

Grants, Loans, and Fundraisers...Oh MY!

I was living in a kind of denial about the money part of adoption.  It wasn't until a family member asked about how much the cost would be total and how much we have saved.  When her reaction was something like "Oh MY!"  I realized how big the difference sounded. So, Michael and I spent Saturday filling out the many grant/fundraiser/loan applications I have gathered to help us fund this adoption.  It felt a lot like we were doing our taxes.  I got stressed and irritable. He sat quietly crunching numbers.  And as we added up the estimated cost, it suddenly felt very real and very overwhelming.  All there, written in white and black, the estimated value of our possessions, our estimated debt.  All on one to three pages (depending on which application).  Some apps wanted annual reporting, some wanted monthly, and two wanted both reported. 

We survived the filling in of boxes.  We have moved on to paragraph writing and copy making picture taking.  I feel in some way that we some how don't deserve the help of these organizations.  That if only at 21 I hadn't been so financially irresponsible :) or something? But what good is regret? My faith rests in the Lord's plan not for myself, but for my son.  I find peace in knowing that Jesus died for my son, and so he will help an irresponsible fool like me make a home for his precious child.

Rosebud turns two

Rosebud is turning two, and I can't believe it.  I rocked her to sleep tonight, and spent more time than needed holding her in my arms.  She is so long! Every new moment I have thought... this is it, it can't get any better than this.  But it does.  So now at two, as I grow to know her more and more, I am excited about the future moments.  I miss my little tiny but love my big girl too much to trade. 

Missionaries make good friends

Here is why: One of my fantastic sister-in-laws is a missionary.  She has a friend who is a missionary, who has a friend who is a missionary, who happens to have worked in Lesotho for quite some time and has continued ties to the nation.  Through this kind friend of a friend of a sister-in-law, I have learned so much about Lesotho.  (I plan to add the info to the Lesotho tab, but want to check with her to make sure it is okay with her first. ) I am SURE there are many more reasons missionaries make good friends, but I like to think about what friends can do for me ;) {j/k} and right now, missionary friends are helping me make great connections :)

It has been SO difficult to find out much info about the people, children, music, and food of this nation, and feel so blessed to make this connection and learn so much.  THANKS TO YOU MISSIONARY (you know who you are).  I would put your name in my blog, but I didn’t ask permission….   On top of all that, she provided fantastic insight and ideas for what items to pick up in the nation, what important cultural connections to gather for our son, and other important transition ideas.  I am so excited to continue to pick her brain!  Thanks again!

So far, I have no new news about our dossier or home study. However, our home study agency did send us an official copy, so Michael and I will be able to send off an application to the fundraising organization we are hoping to partner with. We are hoping to get that finished up and sent out by Monday.  We continued to be blessed by friends and family.  Thanks to all of you.  It makes me cry a bit, and I’m usually not able to type about it.  There I go.  Anyway, thank you all for your loving support!  Will continue to keep you posted!

THE MEETING

So, the super important meeting in Lesotho went well.  Not much has changed.  They are going to attempt to have four matching meetings a year to match children with families.  We are continuing to wait until we hear anything back from the director of our agency about our dossier and home study.  Sorry to leave you hanging about that and thanks for all of the prayers!