2013- I will never forget you

Facebook and my pastor's sermon have together inspired me to write a year in review for 2013. What a BIG YEAR!

One year ago today I had no idea. I had no idea that we would be matched.  I had no idea what a great adventure awaited us. I had no idea how much God loved me.  I had no idea that there was this miracle son would be in our lives for Christmas of 2013.

GOD
Before entering this journey, I would have completely trusted in my belief that God loved me.  But this journey showed me that I had little loop holes, where I believed I wasn't lovable enough, and that the God of the Universe couldn't love me as much as he loved others.  If I have learned one thing in this journey, it is that I could not be any more wrong.  GOD is FAITHFUL.  He sustained me.  I hurt during this adoption.  There were moments it was painful.  And time and time again, God sent his reminders that he was always with me.  And he is with me still as I praise him from the mountain top. And he loves me more than is imaginable and has always loved me that much.

FRIENDS AND FAMILY
I am blessed with so many. This journey has highlighted this abundance. In 2013, so MANY joined my family in prayer and faithfully held us through the prayer calendar.  People gave us money, prayed with us, let me cry on them, and freak out. My sister lived in our home to care for our pets and house.  And my other sister traveled to a far away land to help us bring home our son.   And now that M is home and in our family, he is so loved by these same amazing people.

SATAN
Well, he is real.  I would have never been so self-important as to believe that I or my family would be the target of spiritual warfare.  After all, I provide all of the barriers to my relationship with Christ that are needed and then some.  So, imagine my surprise when I start to realize we were under attack. This may sound a little out there, but when you find out an organ needs to be removed from your body, your told you might die if you go to Africa (the day before your leave), and then the next day, your tree falls down and you find out that you SHOULD NOT COME TO AFRICA in an email as your are boarding your plane, you start to wonder about some things.  As I started to wonder about these phenomena, I looked around at the other families that were adopting and caring for orphans, and guess what!?!?  They were also under attack.  I guess I write this to help shed light on this.  The opposition DOES NOT want us to care for God's children.  So if you know someone doing just that, pray for them.  Dear Church, reach out to them.  Adoption offers enough challenges, adding Satan's battering can be a lot to bear.  ON A BRIGHTER NOTE, Satan doesn't win, and God makes all things work together for good. 

M
At the beginning of 2013, M was a concept.  He wasn't real.  We didn't know who he was, where he was, when he would join us.  And then the amazing day in February came and we learned of our young young son.  The months passed, and our paperwork continued to hold up our family finally coming together. AND THEN THERE WAS JULY! and M joined us. AT NINE MONTHS.  The exact age that my husband and I said "wouldn't it be great if we were matched with a nine month old" 2.5 years before, when we started this journey. When we met, M was wide-eyed, still, immobile sleepy, super compliant, quiet. We have watched M transform into something completely different! M is now opinionated.  LOUD. Active. Loving. Needing. Demanding. Laughing. Joyful. He still has big eyes, but the look of being alone is gone. It is such an honor to be his mother.

Rosebud
She has her brother.  Completely and innocently oblivious as to how typcial families grow, she is ready for us to 'go back on the plane, and this time get a sister'.  And she doesn't want a baby sister. She wants someone she can play with ;)  A great and loving big sister! we often have to help her learn to show her affection in ways that M prefers.(Not many people want constant in your face lovin's). She shows him off to whomever will entertain her pleas for attention.

(He is having a good time I promise.  We are just shaking things trying to get them both to look and smile at the same time.  Clearly, we had no success)

 

Sisters think tiaras are hilarious.  Brothers agree.

2013 was a Roller Coaster!  I am so glad we were on it.  I learned so much and have gained so much. But, I wouldn't mind if 2014 was a little less eventful ;)

M is for Miracle

It has been some time since I have written.  I have thought about my next blog post for quite awhile.  My weeks following our return from Africa were unexpectedly complicated.  And now, life has slowed down.  I want to share, to testify, about the miracles that God had laid out for us on our trip to meet our son.  This is not a story of a woman who faithfully marched into the unknown and was blessed for her trust in the Lord. This is a story of a scared little girl trapped in a woman’s body, who struggled with anxiety the entire trip, and was blessed despite all of this.

The weeks leading up to the trip, things were going very well.  Work was wrapping up nicely.  Plans were laid, etc. etc.  Excitement! Yearning!  We knew M did not have his passport yet, but it seemed like being in the country was the best way to get it, and it appeared as if there was an easy solution. We were ready to go get our son!

 Then, the day before our trip, I went to the doctor.  For months, my back and ribs had been hurting.  I have often experienced back pain, so I just assumed it was something related to my normal back conditions.  When I went to my doctor’s office, I was told it was my gallbladder.  Not only that, but that I had a gallstone that was attempting to block a duct.  My doctor very seriously told me I should not go on the trip. He asked me to send my husband without me. He stated that I could get gangrene and would not have access to appropriate medical care in Africa.  I graciously thanked him and we set up a surgical consult for when I returned.  I explained that I had to go get my son.  I made it to the parking lot before I completely freaked out.  Tears, ugly crying.  My husband met me at home. We prayed and decided I still needed to go.

That night, as I tried to sleep, I could not ward of anxiety and nausea.  While planning the trip, we had decided if paperwork went wrong, I would stay in Africa with M, and my husband would return to work.  All I could think was: what if I need to stay for months, and my gallbladder ruptures? What will I do with M? I can’t let him lose another mother.  And what about Rosebud?  And so on, and so forth.  Well as this storm raged inside of me, a storm raged outside of our home.  And around 2:00 a.m., I decided to look out our front door and watch.  Might as well, I wasn’t sleeping.  I was surprised to see that our very very tall elm(?) tree had completely uprooted and fallen into our neighbor’s yard.  I ran and woke up my husband, and we went out to inspect.  Miracle Number 1: Nothing was damaged except for our tree and her small rose bush.  She was so kind and we all stood in the wet lawn in the early hours of the morning, laughing about the absurdity of a tree falling before we traveled to Africa for almost a month. As we gathered up our belongings that morning to prepare for our flight, our three sets of parents went about the business of segmenting a tree and removing it from our neighbor’s yard.  Oh what a blessing!

We made it through the airport without incident.  As we sat waiting to board our first flight, my husband received an email.  DO NOT COME TO LESOTHO.  We do not know when the paperwork will be able to be completed.  If you come now, you may be here indefinitely.  (an email from our Lesotho social worker).  My mind went straight to my gallbladder, which before the previous day, I had never given two seconds of thought to.  Were we headed for disaster? Would my health ruin everything? How would there ever be resolution?  Were we misreading what God was telling us?  Should we not be going now? The next day’s worth of travel gave me ample amounts of time to panic.  I would continue to struggle with my anxiety for much of the trip.  Were we being unwise? I would wake in the middle of the night, finding it difficult to breath.  I found comfort in The Word.  1 Peter 5:7, Psalm 3 ( I was feeling a little attacked at the time), Exodus 14:14, Joshua 1:9, and the list goes on.

The first days in Lesotho were a bit nutty.  Our social worker spent most of her time in meetings, trying to find solutions to the passport issue.  You see, the country had started using a new computer system to manage birth certificates and passports.  The issue was that the adoption component was not set to go online until the end of the year. No one seemed to have an answer for how to get M's travel documents.  Miracle 2: We received permission to work around the system, having M’s passport issued in his given name, without our surname.  Thank you God!  Thank you social worker!  Thank you government officials!  What a relief.  Now all that lied ahead were some appointments with the U.S. Embassies.  

Miracle 3: M was ready to attach to his family. His first day, you could see the difficulty of his transition in his body language, lack of facial expression, and his constant falling asleep.  Our little man was overwhelmed in a way that I cannot describe.  As the days passed, his laughter increased.  His desire to be held and snuggled was vehement.  And he became noisy.  Described as a quiet little boy at the orphanage, we watched our son transform into a squawking, babbling, laughing baby.  He grew a preference for me which was followed by a secondary preference for my husband once stateside.  He is our biggest miracle of the trip.  I cannot express what a beautiful fit into our family he is! We love our family of four.

Miracle 4:  This may not seem like a miracle, but our orphanage did something beautiful for our son that I do not want to describe in detail, so that a surprise is not ruined for other families. Because of Beautiful Gate, my son will be blessed in knowing what children are naturally curious about.  Who cared for me? Where did I grow up?  What is my story?  I cannot put into words my gratitude and awe for a staff that cares so much for each of their children!

Now, back to the story.  We go to our embassy appointment in Lesotho.  We think all things are in order.  We meet with a new consulate officer, who is very lovely, but tells us that we may be in for a long wait. She does not know how to process M’s application since his name on the adoption documents do not match his passport.  She tells us to be thankful that we have our son, but to be prepared to stay for a few more weeks.  

Queue another Tara freak out.  I made it back to the hotel and away from my children before I wept with my husband (who by the way, stayed calm).  What would we do? What if I needed a surgery? Which of us would stay? How could this be? Other countries do this the same way!  Miracle 5: By the end of the day, we had an email.  All had been resolved.  They had been able to quickly communicate with the South African U. S. embassy.  They could process M’s paperwork.  The trip was equal parts me freaking out and me throwing myself in front of the Lord, who unwavering, provided for every step. The trip unfolded in a way that had already been orchestrated.  He had provided for our every need.  Despite his crazy child getting frenzied and fearful.

Miracle 6: We needed another adult.  I am not sure if it counts as a miracle or a blessing, but having my sister with us was completely necessary. Because of all the messy paperwork stuff, we had to wait at embassies and meet with people etc.  Leaving Rosebud to have fun with my sister was such a relief. Rosebud got very sick in Johannesburg, and the physician believed that she may have appendicitis.  Because my sister stayed with M (we thought we were going to be gone for at most 1 hour), the daylong event that was blood draws, hospital visits for ultrasounds, urine analysis (which my 3 year old was not ready for.  Giving a sample was possibly the hardest thing she did.  Shy bladder).  Seeing my little girl in a hospital gown in Africa was more than I had bargained for.  I had come to terms with my possible need for surgery in a foreign country, but had NOT considered my child needing one.  Whatever her illness was, it did not appear to be her appendix.  We continued to watch her, making her jump on one foot every three hours as ordered by the doctor.  What a crazy day!  Miracle 7: Rosebud got well.  No surgery required.

The first 2.5 weeks of the trip, I had no gallbladder symptoms.  By the end of our trip and our time in Johannesburg, my health was worsening, and I was started to feel very badly.  Miracle 8: My gallbladder held on just long enough. About a week after my return, my gallbladder was removed, an outpatient procedure.    A miracle, I made it home.  By the time I got home, all I could do was lay.  I was sick sick, and so thankful to be in the US. The week after my surgery, I had a host of helpers come to help me with Rosebud and M.  I describe myself as Marie Antoinette that week, as I summoned my sweet servants to bring me my son J  I could not pick him up, due to the surgery.  It was definitely not what I expected our first weeks home to look like, but how blessed those weeks were! 

None of these things were beautiful coincidences.  I had prayer warriors supporting us the entire trip. Long before our journey,  I and many many others had prayed that God would go before us on this trip and that we would have a blessed trip and blessed meeting of our son.  And that was exactly what we had.  The tense moments and anxiety that I had were just distractions from the truth.  The God that loves me is faithful and good.  He got us to Africa, which helped the wheels move for M’s paperwork, which got us out of the country  with our amazing son, in time for me to have a minor outpatient surgery.  All things worked together for good.  He told me months ago: I have a son for you.  And how he did!  And all of the waiting and wondering and worrying, worth every second.  Not only did our family grow in numbers and love, but I learned so much about the character of the Lord.  I feel so silly in retrospect for all of the tense moments of worry and hopelessness.  Never was there a moment that we were not provided for.  Never a moment for which we were left alone.  

M’s name means mercy, which we received in bulk.  But also, M is for Miracle.  

(Rosebud and her brother)

The journey continues!

We were BLESSED by The Lord and our hard working social worker. All of M's paperwork fell into place, and the US Embassy green lighted is to go on to round two in Johannesburg, so that is where we find ourselves today.

I almost cried leaving Lesotho. I really love it there. We had our adoption ceremony at Beautiful Gate, which was more special and precious than I could have ever imagined. 

My sweet Rosebud is home sick and is a bit needy of her mommy, but of course! She is going through so much change.

Our little M, who was described as quiet and serious, has become a noisy squeaking giggle box. I cannot believe I  blessed to participate in his life. 

I had planned on updating my blog more frequently, but I had not counted on two things. 1. Spotty Internet service. 2. My own exhaustion.

I know some of my friends that read this blog are still waiting to be matched. Please find the strength to continue. Seeing those beautiful faces....a home of 70 children (plus). May The Lord strengthen you and help preserve you or the long journey!

I was able to meet with some of the government representatives in Lesotho, and I believe they do have a heart for their orphaned children.

Please continue to lift us in prayer. For sustained health. For our meetings with the embassy here in Johannesburg. For my little Rosebud and M to continue to bond and for us to arrive safely home next week!

Hello from Maseru!!!

Things are well. We have M and he is doing as well as can be expected. We thought he was a serious guy, but he laughs and giggles a lot when comfortable. He seems to be managing his overwhelming change by sleeping a lot and needing lots of snuggles.

We have run into a few hiccups with the ole passport. We could use prayer that the situation is cleared up. We would like to be in the states as planned, but are mostly just excited about being with M.

Rosebud LOVES this baby, and a lot of our energy is spent helping her not constantly touch his face and be in his personal space.

Prayer requests:

1. That this passport thing gets sorted out.

2. That we make it through the embassy meetings without a hitch. (And for my illogical anxiety about this step).

3. For our health.

4. For the long flight home.

5. That M finds comfort in our presence and begins to bond with his new family.

Thank you all.

Here is a quick photo  or two 

Faith, Hope, and Wisdom?

(If you read nothing else, read the bottom of this page.  Many of you know adoptive families.  Read the bottom of the page to get what adoption really looks like. )

Paperwork has been a hang up for our adoption process.  And so it was no surprise to hear your court date has happened, you are his parents BUT there is a BRAND NEW process for birth certificates and passports, which will most likely hold up these vital documents. Que banging head against wall. Without these, we cannot leave the country with M.

So, needless to say, this made me cry.  I just want to go get my kid.  SO BADLY! So Michael and I were talking, and decided, Why don't we just go ahead and go?  We may end up being there longer, and we may be inviting more frustration.  But we have decided to take frustration AND have our son. We are stepping out in faith and hope.  I'm not sure if wisdom is going with us, but we are definitely praying for it!

Our agency director and in-country social worker have both been great in being open minded about this idea. The Lesotho government has been gracious and is allowing us to come over before all the i's are dotted.  We have been cautioned about the unpredictability of how quickly or slowly documents move through this system.  We feel like we are well aware of the unpredictability, and this makes us feel all the more convinced to head over and start the bonding process with our baby, while he is still a baby. 

So now we plan.  We buy tickets, we book lodging, we pray for paperwork to process. We plan to leave while it is still barely July.

Here is how you can join us in prayer :) (thanks everyone)

1. That the paperwork gets completed in a timely manner, and we are able to spend only the necessary amount of time across the ocean.

2. That we all stay healthy and safe.  That the Lord goes before us and sets our course for us.

3. That I don't go crazy as we make these plans very quickly.

4. For Rosebud, that she is ready for the large amounts of travel and intense differences in all things  familiar to her.

5. For M, that he is ready for the large amounts of travel and intense differences in all things familiar to him ;)

There is so much more to pray for, so feel free to get creative.  Honestly, there is so much, there is plenty i haven't thought of.

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR PRAYER, THOUGHTS, AND SUPPORT!  It has been a long two years, and you guys have made it survivable!

SPOILER ALERT: The hard part is yet to come.  We will need even more support upon our return.  I wanted to post this because in my church and friend group there are many adoptive families. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE READ THIS BLOG: so you can know how to support the adoptive families in your circles:
http://sammyneric.blogspot.com/2013/07/hungry-for-truth-telling.html?m=1

A Summer of Rejoicing!

God's Love is AMAZING.  His provisions are abundant and I cannot help but have a joyful heart as I praise him today for the many gifts he has given to my friends and family!(Quick side note.  This is how I write. Not how I talk. Real world Tara would be like "Man! God rocks.  This is crazy awesome.  I can't believe this".  Just thought those of you who don't know me should know I do not write the way I speak)

Below is a prayer request from one of my January 2013 posts.  I wanted to update everyone on God's amazing answer to these prayers!!!! These families were in their adoption journey, and we joined with them in prayer for patience and endurance while they waited for their children.  Since May, this is how prayers have been answered:

1.  M & L in Missouri- BABY GIRL!
2. J  & J in Oklahoma- LITTLE GIRL AND BABY BOY!
3. K & S in Oklahoma- BABY GIRL!
4. The other Lesotho program adopting families: US, Canada, and the Netherlands.  - OUR FAMILY AND THE OTHER US FAM WE PRAY FOR HAVE BOTH HAD MATCHES!!! THE OTHER FAMILY HAS ALREADY PICKED UP THEIR LITTLE GIRL!

I know many families who fall under #4 continue to wait.  Please continue to lift them up.

As for us,  our documents have made it through court!  We are M's Parents :)  We are so thrilled.  I tear up every time I think about it.  We can't wait to go wrap our arms around him!!! All that is left is getting his birth certificate and passport.  Once our social worker has secured those, we will be headed to Lesotho. We are hoping to travel at the end of this month!

Hoping to see Maseru in real life soon :)

Prayer requests:

1. That the paperwork make its way swiftly back to our social worker.
2. That the Lord travels before us, making our journey blessed and without major incident.
3. For me.  I'm naturally an anxious gal.  I'm going to need some peace.  For Rosebud, she is naturally a momma's girl. She is going to need some understanding.  For Michael. He has to take care of me. He is going to need wisdom ;) And for my sister Caitlin.  She is going as Rosebud's nanny.  She is going to need a good mix of everything the Holy Spirit can gift her with :)
4. FOR M!  For the BIG CHANGE coming up in his life.  For his heart to be open to his new family.  For the time he will have with me in the early months of his time here to attach, bond, and settle into a whole new continent, family, routine, etc.

Thank you for joining me in this joy and praise!  and for lifting our fam and son up in prayer!

Breaking News...

I am going to attempt to keep this brief :) I just want to say, this step reads like a minor one, but I can assure you, it felt like it would never get here!  And here it finally is!!!  Our attorney in Lesotho has mailed us our official petition.  The legal documents have been signed and notarized and sent back to Africa.

Here is what is to follow...

1. A court date is set and occurs in which we are issued a new birth certificate for M.
2. We go get him!

There are more boring details, but that is the just of it. I can't tell you how much your prayers have meant to me, and how much they will continue to mean to our family as we wait for these last two steps... court and travel.  Please pray with us for no more snags, and smooth processes from here on out!!!  There are about a TON of things running through my mind that I need to do before we get to step 2.  I can't tell you how excited we are to finally be here.

Feeling so blessed and excited!

Tara G

Oh and because it was Father's Day, here is an adorable pic if my sweet husband and Rosebud.

Log Jams

This whole adoption process has been full of log jams.

I have been a little ridiculous about how I manage these stalls in the process. I have been observing my peers who are also adopting, paying closer attention to the women than to men. And I am just amazed at how much women can endure. These women manage with grace and faith. 

Not me. I throw fits like a child. I insist that my husband provide me with extra affection and care. I complain to my mother and sister regularly, and when people ask me how things are going, I tell the truth. My kid lives in Africa and has been waiting for five months. And for five months we have been told to make ourselves ready to meet him the next month. It's crummy.

And I guess the only reason I am writing this post is to say, if you feel like throwing fits, and crying and complaining, just know that there is a woman out there actually doing it. I can tell you it probably won't make you feel better, but it can be exhausting keeping it all together. I've had to ask The Lord repeatedly to take my (slightly melodramatic) despair, and keep me from indulging in self-pity. After all, there are way worse things than waiting.

In talking (with bouts of whining) to God about my thoughts on log jams, he gave me the sense that I will never know the reason for our wait, but that if he can let His son die for me, I can let mine wait an extra month or two for His purpose/workings. That he has always and continues to have control of my life and that of my son. That he loves my son even more than me, and he loves me even more than I can understand.

As is true in many life experiences, just when you are ready to fully give way to being utterly bummed,  a sunbeam breaks through. This week, our log jam has let a small stream through. Our paperwork has made it to our attorney in Lesotho, and we hope soon the the small stream will give way to a swifter faster current. Praying that we travel in a miraculously short amount of time.

So here is my admiration to those of you who have endured longer, endured more, or endured more gracefully! I am in awe! And my praise to my King, for sending sweet messages of encouragement from family and friends, and for loving my family in ways I can't fathom.

As always, thanks for checking in :)

Tara G

PS-thanks for reading this babel.  This felt more like a therapeutic outlet for me than a blog post.  I appreciate you indulging me in this :)

Fingerprinting and other not so interesting news with a bonus prayer request

We headed back to the Department of Homeland Security in OKC yesterday to get our second set of fingerprints. The first time, I got a long lecture from the technician because my hands were too dry to get a good read. I prepped this time with lots of lotion and by sending moisturizing thoughts toward my finger tips. It didn't work. I had three fingers fail. But, no lecture this time. My husband on the other hand, passed with flying colors. I told the technician that if I were Scarlet O'Hara, Rhett Butler would have figured me out and also rejected me. It's strangely embarrassing to be told you have really dry hands lol.

In other news, Rosebud is juggling major philosophical and spiritual concerns, like, if Jesus is in my heart, did he go through my throat? Is it dark down there?  She also asks excitedly multiple times a week of this is the day we get to go get M. I'm glad she is excited about being a big sister, and wish I could tell her yes :)

As for the adoption, we got a brief update. The upside, our paperwork had reached the highest level that it needs to. On the down side, there are some corrections that need to be made? And hopefully those can be made with minimal effort and time, then it can continue on the course that is required.

If you feel so inclined to join us in prayer, here is what we are praying:

For miracle speed in processing this paperwork! That the signatures are quickly attained, sent to our attorney, given to us, notarized and received back in Lesotho with lightening speed! That a court date is miraculously being held for us, so that our attorney can get our M adopted and we can plan for a trip in July. This would be a miracle! But we believe in a God who still performs daily miracles, and who loves an blessed his children :). 

Thank you all for your prayers! And for being here in this journey with us.

Our Family is safe

Many know that we live in Oklahoma. I just  wanted to post to let all know that our family is safe tonight. Sadly, as many have heard, a tornado ripped through Moore, a town in central Oklahoma. Many families have been impacted, and tonight parents weep for their children and loved ones. The tornado hit an elementary school as well as many other well populated areas.

Dear Lord, as our heart aches for these families, and we hear as the death count raises, we pray for these families, the relief workers, the children, the teachers.  I picture you now, wrapping your loving arms around these babies, but cry as I imagine the pain for those left here on earth. Oh God, how this world hurts and needs you! As this community tries to make sense of this tragedy, please help them to find you. To find peace in you, to find healing in you. To find hope in you. Praise you, that you love us and are a faithful God.

No News for me, but beautiful things for my friend :)

I follow many other blogs about international adoption.  And in many of these, I have noticed a serious lull in posting while they wait their kiddo.  Now I get it.  In the past there have been announcements to make.  I'm completed our home study! We were finger-printed! and so on.

But for now there is not much news.  Our paperwork has finally left stage one, medical exam and all, and is now, hopefully, traveling through gov't offices.  Our lives are going on.  My job is wonderful. Rosebud is hilarious.  My husband has found a new hobby. Our days are joyful.  But I get why there is a natural drop off of posting for myself and other bloggers.  I imagine one can only read so many posts of the emotional roller coaster of waiting before it stops being interesting and is just annoying.So today, I wanted to post about the joy of others.

I have been blessed by finding a friend through this process.  Those of you who joined in Prayer Extravaganza 2013, you will recognize the name of Sammy and Eric as they were the focus of one of the days.  God blessed me with this other mother to email, who understands and is experiencing the same things I am. She has been such a gift! and has allowed me to say things and vent things, and has shared hope with me and fears.

I wanted to write today's post because I just wanted to share with all of you who have been partnering with our family in prayer, that this family gained their sixth member this week!  They are in Lesotho, and have met their beautiful daughter.  Thank you all for your prayers for this family and for mine :) Please continue to pray for them in the days ahead.  Sunshine will have some serious changes coming up. The family will too :) and all of this is done in a totally foreign country.

I praise the Lord for my blessings!  For my son, for my friends, for unexpected support, and for being encouraged by the love and faith of others!

 (For more info on this fam, go to: http://sammyneric.blogspot.com/)


And just because I think it is cute....here is Rosebud with her big sister shirt and her heart in Lesotho necklace. She is so excited to meet M :)

My Prayer for this Time

Romans 15: 13.  This is my prayer for this time.  This time of waiting for my family, for my friends who are also waiting for their Basotho child, for my friends and family waiting here for their domestic adoptions. It is my prayer for my son's house mothers, who care for him now at Beautiful Gate. For the Beautiful Gate family, as they heal from the pain of recent events, as they love and care for God's children.  (for more information about this, visit http://blog.www.beautifulafrica.org/)

Before starting this post, I read over my last blog post.  I began to long for the peace I was experiencing at that time.  April is turning into May, and I have still no new news about M.  I miss him desperately.  And I feel myself trying to hold this together on my own.  Like I can will myself out of longing and inpatience, urgency and worry.  My brain believes in God's timing.  So I am praying today that the Holy Spirit overflow my heart with hope, trust and peace, so my heart and mind can come to an agreement.   And the same for my friends, who probably have felt this same way at one time or another.

Your friend,


Tara G

Too much and too little to say.

I find myself having so much! and so little to say.  Not much is new in the process EXCEPT.....

We have pictures of M!  What a miracle.  He appears healthy and well loved. He has big adorable cheeks an large sweet eyes.

We are preparing for him. Friends and family are lending us warm clothes in his approximate size as we are hoping to travel in Africa's autumn.  We have transitioned our office/playroom into an empty space, soon to be filled with nursery items.  Rosebud wears a necklace with an African pendant, with a heart cut out where Lesotho is. She tells everyone that is where her brother lives.

I love this little man so much! I can't wait to meet him. And yet, I feel a calm patience about the time line.  We were told to be ready to travel in May, however, our paperwork appears to have slowed down.  So it may be later.  And while a part of me fights to become upset and stressed about that, there is a serenity that is allowing me to rest and wait.  I was telling a friend of mine that I feel that I have a front row seat to a miracle.  Watching Christ love my son, seeking and providing for  M's need.  I am prayerful that my son's identity can become not that of an orphan, but that of a child of God.  One who was sought after, loved, cherished.  All of the orchestration!  For my son and my family.  I rest confidently in the Lord's faithfulness, and I wait on his timing. 

Here is what we pray for:

• That the Lord go before us and make the adoption and travel plans ready, safe, and unthwartable  (Idon't think that is really a word)
• That we find the last bit of funding for this adoption.  We have been blessed to be ready for each financial step.  We pray for the last stretch.
• That we are all ready for the family growth.  For M, for Rosebud, for Michael and I.
• Praise for a God who sees and loves all of his children!

I have a great joy in my heart! and am so excited to watch the rest of this adventure unfold :)

T

A simple Saturday morning post

I wrote a long post that was all about me.  So I erased it.  Here were the key points:
A. I am embarrassed about my last self-pitying post.  But it is really what I was experiencing, so at least it was honest.
B. I had a stressful job.  I decided to leave it. I am sad about it.  But I found what I am calling easy happiness, and I'm grateful for the light feeling of being able to handle things in my life again. I feel like I am rediscovering who I used to be.   I have had lots of joy in my last few years, but lightness was gone. I'm glad its back.
C.  I am optimistic that this easy happiness will help me manage this last stretch of the adoption journey.
D. I am back to feeling excited about M.  I am less worried about the "when?" , and focused more on the "when..." (an expectant less stressful more joyful hope and belief in our shared future).

This is a picture of Sani Pass in Lesotho. I love images of my son's country.  I also like the loopyness

of this road.  It feels familiar. 

 I feel like we are on the last loop on our way to meet our son :)

So there is that summation.  There is more important stuff for you to know about.

There are some serious needs right now in Lesotho. I am sharing the blog below, as it depicts some of the needs.  My heart breaks for the needs of children both here, in Lesotho, and around the globe.  This blog is from the family running Beautiful Gate, the orphanage where my son lives.  In your prayers today and throughout the week, please lift up this situation, these children, this orphanage, and the family and staff members who are diligently doing the Lord's work.

http://ourbeautifulmission.blogspot.com/

A new kind of wait

Forgive this and my previous posts. I am writing from my cell phone, so editing is even worse than usual.

I have been trying to figure out how to express the feelings I have in this new section of waiting, but the feelings only make sense in the context of my thoughts, so let me explain what that is like in a day:
(Imagine me Driving my car or doing some other normal activity. Something randomly sparks a thought of M)

I have a son! Yes! I have a son. That is crazy it has finally happened. What is he like? When will we meet him? WHEN!?!?!? Oh crap, I need to go get him. "Dear Jesus, please make this happen quickly." M is growing up in an orphanage. I need to go get him so he can begin bonding and forming resilience. Oh, but don't be so worried. He is in such a lovely orphanage. I feel confident he is loved. Whew I am thankful for that. BUT what if this takes a long time? What of the US state dept is confused about The Hague? How long will Lesotho take to get a court date? How long will my baby grow up without me? Ah, but The Lord has provided for M he will continue. "thank you Jesus!". I wonder what he looks like!?!? I have a son! That is crazy!


So this is a pretty rapid cycle of what my brain goes through on a fairly regular basis. Joy turns into longing incredibly quickly and then back. I am gifted in worrying and so cycles can include financial worries, work worries, travel worries, Rosebud worries. In fact as I am writing this, I am feeling a little convicted about not giving this all to The Lord . What am I gaining from this? I guess just feeling like worrying is doing something as I wait for my son, in a time that there is not much that I can do :( Well, actually There is plenty to do. I have a grant to apply for. A passport for Rosebud to obtain. And other similar tasks.

I have started some fun things. I have enjoyed reading about parenting. I have started Pinning nursery ideas on Pinterest. I have mentally rearranged our house to accommodate our member. But I guess part of me is still hesitant. I believe we will united with our son, but mostly I worry about the when.

Bam. That is the truth of where I am. Missing M and loving him already.


As I use this blog for my own kind of therapeutic intervention, I am attaching a pic of a verse sent to me while I waited for a matching meeting. It is clear I still need it now :)

A Brother for Rosebud!!!!!!

We have a baby boy! He is five months old and we are going to call him M (on this blog). It makes me think of James Bond :)

So what happens next you ask? We wait. We wait for documents to be compiled. Physical exams. For a pic to be sent! For a court date! And for the green light to go get our M. How long will that take? I have no answer to that! I pray daily that our time apart will be miraculously short.

In the wait, I have started reading adoption parenting books. I did not start then before because I thought I would be more motivated once matched. I inserted a pic of the book below. It has been very informative!

I want to write about what this stage of waiting is like, but I haven't found the right words. I will save it for the next blog.

For now: Praise The Lord! For his faith, grace and love. For being faithful to His promise and for loving our son! I pray that I continue to lean on Him for the rest of this journey!

I want to say a special thanks to my prayer partners through this journey! I can never say how much it truly mean to me!!!

Thanks all!

Tara G

The Long Journey Ahead of Us All

We recieved blessed news on Wednesday.  We were matched with a son.  After what can only be described as intense emotional release from all of the build up of stress, excitment, grief, and hope of this adoption, I was left literally exhausted by late afternoon.  And so joyful.

I follow many families' blogs who are also on this journey to adopt from Lesotho.  So, at the end of the day, when I checked their blogs in hopes of finding more joyful news, and did not, I was not sure what to say.  I have wanted to be so careful about how I share my news. 

So, I will write a blog in the future about my joys.  I don't really have much news to share now anyway.  Not an age or a name (even if it would end up coded on my blog).  Here is what I have to say as I think about our other friends in this waiting....

This is not fair.  That is all I could think as I thought of the families and parents who wait to be matched.  I do not believe that your families need my support or my sorrow, but you have it anyway.  I hurt for you, but believe, truly, that there is a plan for your families and for the children of Lesotho.  Know that I continue to pray for your families and for your children.  Even when things aren't fair, there is often purpose we do not percieve.

So if for no other reason than this, I write this blog to acknowledge all the crummy feelings you should be allowed to feel.  Dissapointment, jealousy, exhaustion.

I will continue to lift up all of our families in prayer.  No matter where we are in the process, we will all certainaly need endurance.  There is still a long journey ahead of us.


Your friend,

Tara G

February 17th-How will we wait?

Good Morning All,

After today, there will be only three days left of this stretch of our wait.  On the 20th, we will learn how we will begin waiting again. Will we be waiting to meet our son? Will we be waiting to get our paperwork completed to change country programs?  We won't know until Wednesday!

I wrote a prayer request days ago for today's date, thinking that I would be a crazy mess.  But, I have gotten off the hope/distress roller coaster.  It feels nice to feel settled.  I praise the Lord for this and thank my friends for their prayers, because calm is not a natural state for me in these types of situations, so I know the Lord has granted me peace. And actually, I feel pretty excited.  I dare to give way to the Lord's promise that He has a son for me.  If the 20th comes and goes without us finding our son, I am sure I will be disappointed, but the Lord has grown my faith in the last week, so that I can say... the search will just continue.  Whatever the path that leads to our son, I believe in His purpose. 

So the answer to how will I wait is this: expectantly. hopefully.  faithfully. leaning on my friends and family who I cherish and rely on, people I have been gifted with.  and with excitement.

I read a quote that feels relevant to the situation my family and many others are currently going through.  And really, pretty applicable to life in general: "I have learned that faith means trusting in advance what  will only makes sense in reverse" -Phillip Yancy.   

So today I stand on faith and hope, the little that I have and the rest that the Lord has supplemented.

Because of this, I would like to change my Prayer Extravaganza prayer request for today.  I would love for you to continue to pray for Hope, Faith and Assurance for me and  the other families.  But I think instead of that being the focus, I would like to pray for this....

 (Random pretty clock picture).

February 17
His Timing

Dear Heavenly Father, today I pray for your timing.  As I turn this adoption over to you again, I praise your name and know that you have a plan and purpose. I pray for your perfect timing for possible life changes, for travel, for Rosebud, for all of it! As you orchestrate your plan for your children, I pray that all things be done according to your will.  That our family comes together in the way that only you can now know, and that we have thankful and expectant hearts as we know you work all things together for good. Let our hearts rejoice!

Thanks all!  And for those who I am waiting with... I am praying for your families too!

Tara G

Prayer Extravaganza Revised!

Thank you to all who have partnered with me in prayer!  I feel so blessed.  Here are the revised days, to include the 5 extra days we have. 

February 11
Families in Canada, the US, the Netherlands, and Sweden

I want to pray for these families.  I feel connected with them as people also called to this country, also called to find their children.  Lord, I pray that this meeting be fruitful for all of these families.  It has been a long wait for most of us.  We have come a long way.  We are excited to see your work in this.

February 12

For Lesotho

Lord,  today I lift up the Kingdom of Lesotho.  I lift up their government, health care system, child welfare system, for their homeless and hungry.  Lord I pray for miracles in the small kingdom.  That your good news be spread, that hope and mercy are known, and that Lesotho becomes a place of healing.  I pray that a day comes that Basotho children do not need to be sent to homes out of their country, but that they can stay with their families and communities.  Until that day, I pray that you continue to send people to Lesotho, to serve them and share your love.

February 13

For Sammy and Eric (I have their permission)
Sammy and Eric are a family that are also adopting from Lesotho.  They live in Michicgan.  Today, I pray for hope, peace, endurance, and most of all that they feel the Lord's love wrapped around them.  I pray that they find certainty in their understanding of your will for their family.  I also pray that you gift them with all of the financial blessings they will need to be connected with their children.  I pray for the two children that they are waiting for.  I pray that you are with them in this wait, and that they are loved and cared for. Thank you for calling people like Sammy and Eric to parent your children.  (For more info on this fam, go to: http://sammyneric.blogspot.com/)

February 14

For the families of the children
Lord, today, I lift up the biological family of my son, and the many families like his. An orphan's story is often very complex.  Just because a child does not have a home, it does not mean that there is no one who has loved them or hurts for them.  Sometimes, there are parents who are so hurt themselves, that they cannot know how to love their children.  For these parents and families, the hurting and the hurt, I lift them up to you God.  I pray that even through their scars, that someone finds them today.  I pray that today, their hear about your love, and feel what it is to be cared about.  And if this is something they already know, Lord, I pray that you continue to heal their heart in their loss and hurt.

February 15
Super Secret Prayer day ;)
There are some things in my life that are best left off of blog sites for now.  Nothing all that interesting, just exercising some privacy.  (A strange notion for me) For those of you receiving  reminders, I will give you specifics on the date.

February 16
 For My Son
I know we have already prayed for my son.  But, I don't know where he is, if he is sick, if he feels loved.  Today Lord, I pray that you protect my son.  That you heal him if he is ill.  That you comfort him if he is scared.  I pray that you continue to send people to him.  That he is told about your love. I pray that I get to hug him and love on him.  I pray that we are prepared for the challenges. I know that the Lord of creation loves my baby.  I know that you want all these things and more for him.  I praise you, the God who is love. I pray that we meet him soon. 

February 17
 Hope, Faith and Assurance

I am planning this prayer calendar 15  20 days in advance, but to know myself is to know that by today, I will be an antsy, stressball mess.  This is my very nature.  I believe in the Lord's power to take away my worry and anxiety and replace it with great assurance, hope, and faith. I pray that I will seek him in my uncertainty. If this adoption process has taught me anything, it is that he LOVES me and will answer this prayer.

February 18
Whatever you feel led to pray day
I would like to leave a day to feel the Holy Spirit's prompting.  Leaving space to pray for those things on our hearts about this adoption.  Please pray for whatever you felt led to today.


February 19

Tomorrow's Meeting

Lesotho's clock is ahead of us, so I want to pray  today for tomorrow's meeting.  I pray for clarity of mind for the government officials, orphanage staff, social workers, and all other attendees.  I pray that the meeting be a productive one.  That all things are in order and that children and families can be blessed in this process.  I pray for the Lord's glory and that His will be done.  I pray that we are matched with our son.

February 20

For the Wait

Today, I pray for all of our families as we wait.  My family will be waiting to find out if our son is in Lesotho or if we need to keep searching somewhere else.  You told me you have a son for me.  I believe you.  Be with us as we wait.  Help us to praise your name, knowing that you have held this even before it was a curiosity in our minds.  You have this. And today, I pray that if I have a hard time giving all of it to you, that you gently remind me who you are.

With my sincerest gratitude and love,

Tara G

Looking To Lesotho

Looking to Lesotho is the name of this photograph by J. Adamson.The photo was taken, standing in South Africa, and looking to Lesotho.

I can visualize myself standing by that ragged tree looking to the mountain kingdom.  Does my son live there?

I could not be more blessed.  SO many people have reached out to me and are getting daily reminders to join me and my family in prayer for our son and for the process. I am so grateful and speechless.

I have so much to say about the roller coaster of feelings I have gone through in the last two days. But this picture captures so much of it.  The feeling of being alone, while the reality is that a much larger tree is surrounding me.  The beauty of looking toward something that could be so amazing. The hope of seeing the mountains in the distance, and the realization that the mountain top is still a long way away.

  I told some friends at work that I am beginning to believe I am Spiritually Bipolar.  Moment to moment, I move from utter confidence and faithfulness that the Lord has already claimed victory of this adoption, to low lows of forgetting The Lord's promises and maybe even his love and Grace. I can tear up at the drop of a hat.  I cry when I am spiritually 'up', praying and praising.  And I tear up when I am spiritually down, feeling hopeless and defeated. 

I have been gifted with many who will not let me dwell on the negative.  They find ways to find flaws in my best arguments against hope.  And for that I am thankful.  But to all you other families who are adopting, we know that five days feels a lot heavier than it would seem using logic. We know that it is five more days of hope that will be needed, and when you are running on fumes, we are left to wonder how to make it those five days.

 Last week (and many previous weeks), my pastor's sermon was on hope. (how timely).  He spoke of many hopeless moments found in the Bible that The Lord used for his purpose. The pastor's summation was this:

It is always too early to give up hope. (-Pastor Phil Taylor, Carbondale Assembly of God, on the West Side ;) )

I am leaning on that.  

And so that is where I am.  Tired. Happy.  Excited. Worried. Fearful.  But most of all, Loved.

I plan to update my prayer list soon to include the extra days.  So look forward to that.

Thank you all.  

T

A Five Day Bonus

We found out tonight that the matching meeting has been moved from the fifteenth to the twentieth of February. So, I have  five bonus prayers to create ;) Those will be coming soon!  Thanks to you all for continuing to lift this process up in prayer. I believe in the Lord's timing and hope to write more words soon.

Good night friends!

T

Please Pray with Me

 Dear Support system,

Michael and I are asking for your prayers.  I have created a Prayer Calendar below.  It describes what I will be praying for from February 1st through the 15th.  As many of you know, the Lesotho adoption matching meeting is coming up on the 15th.  This is how I would like to mark off the days until that date.

If you would like join in my 15 day prayer extravaganza ;) , I can text you a daily reminder of what I am praying for on that date, and you can join me.  I can also send you email reminders. (I am being serious) Or, you can print this off and hang it somewhere you will remember.  Please send me an email taramglenn@yahoo.com, or let me know on Facebook if and how you would like to join me.

February 1

Orphans Across the Globe

Today I will lift up orphans in prayer.  Not only the children who have been orphaned, but the adults who still yearn for relationships lost. The Lord is the Father to the fatherless.  I pray that His children feel his love and comfort, healing and mercy.

February 2

For the Adoption Process-The Lesotho Side

Today I pray for our adoption process.  I pray that any red tape be alleviated. That the Lord form those miracles that we do not even know are needed.  I pray for blessings for the government officials, social workers, attorneys, and judges as they work to save the lives of their kingdom's children.

February 3

For the Adoption Process-US Side

Lord, today I will ask that you work through or walk through any bureaucracy that could slow or hinder this process.  That your will be done, and that no miscommunication or confusion will burden this adoption.

February 4

For the Orphanages in Lesotho

From what I have read, the orphanages are flirting with being over-capacity.  Many have sick children that need healing.  Many have staff that need breaks.  Many have directors that need your guidance and strength.  Lord, today, I pray that you bless these organizations.  The workers, the children, the mission.  I pray that the orphanages are able to attend the meeting on the 15th and that they have had the time to examine and organize their thoughts and feelings about the best options for their children.

February 5

For Rosebud's Brother

Wherever this little man may be, I play for your love and comfort to envelope him.  Hug him and let him know that his mom and dad are waiting for him.  I pray that you transform his heart, and prepare him to be grafted into our family.  Lord, please send people into his life now to comfort him and care for him while we are still so far away.

February 6th-Shout out to my sis on her birthday ;)

For Rosebud

I pray that my little girl has a heart big enough to endure the challenges that may lay ahead as we adjust to a new member with new needs and new behaviors.Prepare her heart.  Help her to always feel loved and cared for by us, even when little brother needs more of our attention in the moment.  I know she will be blessed by adoption as I was, but I always know adjustments do not come easily. Thank you for blessing me with a little girl who will not allow herself to be overlooked.

February 7

For Daddy

Today I pray for my sweet husband.  The rock of our relationship, help him find a strengthened foundation in you.  Please give him clarity, wisdom, understanding and compassion to face the challenges of whatever may lay ahead.  Please prepare his heart for Rosebud's brother. Help him to find encouragement and love from me, his friends, his family, and wherever else you can sneak-attack him from.  Thank you for this man.

February 8

For Mommy

The list of things in which I have a deficit are immense.  Lord I pray for peace of mind, patience, mercy, and wisdom.  Help me to grow into the mother both of my children need me to be.  Help me to seek you and your shelter as this journey continues.  I desire to be a mother who is a blessing to her children.  Please shape me, and prepare my heart.

February 9

Our Director

Cheryl has a heart for the children of Africa.  Lord, I play that you bless her dedication to this continent and its people.  I pray that you sustain her and strengthen her.  She has seen many joys and many heartaches.  Please give her the endurance to continue to serve your children.

February 10

Finances

How blessed are we?  I cannot believe the generosity of our friends, family, and church.  Today, I pray that you orchestrate and line up the rest of the money we need for this journey to continue.  For travel expenses, for our time away from work.  For financial needs we cannot know now.  I trust you to provide for us, as you have already shown your faithfulness every step of this way.  Oh how you love us! and how undeserved! Praise your name!

February 11
Families in Canada, the US, the Netherlands, and Sweden

I want to pray for these families.  I feel connected with them as people also called to this country, also called to find their children.  Lord, I pray that this meeting be fruitful for all of these families.  It has been a long wait for most of us.  We have come a long way.  We are excited to see your work in this.

February 12

For Lesotho

Lord,  today I lift up the Kingdom of Lesotho.  I lift up their government, health care system, child welfare system, for their homeless and hungry.  Lord I pray for miracles in the small kingdom.  That your good news be spread, that hope and mercy are known, and that Lesotho becomes a place of healing.  I pray that a day comes that Basotho children do not need to be sent to homes out of their country, but that they can stay with their families and communities.  Until that day, I pray that you continue to send people to Lesotho, to serve them and share your love.

February 13

Hope, Faith and Assurance

I am planning this prayer calendar 15 days in advance, but to know myself is to know that by the 13th, I will be an antsy, stressball mess.  This is my very nature.  I believe in the Lord's power to take away my worry and anxiety and replace it with great assurance, hope, and faith. I pray that I will seek him in my uncertainty. If this adoption process has taught me anything, it is that he LOVES me and will answer this prayer.

February 14

Tomorrow's Meeting

Lesotho's clock is ahead of us, so I want to pray  today for tomorrow's meeting.  I pray for clarity of mind for the government officials, orphanage staff, social workers, and all other attendees.  I pray that the meeting be a productive one.  That all things are in order and that children and families can be blessed in this process.  I pray for the Lord's glory and that His will be done.  I pray that we are matched with our son.

February 15

For the Wait

Today, I pray for all of our families as we wait.  My family will be waiting to find out if our son is in Lesotho or if we need to keep searching somewhere else.  You told me you have a son for me.  I believe you.  Be with us as we wait.  Help us to praise your name, knowing that you have held this even before it was a curiosity in our minds.  You have this. And today, I pray that if I have a hard time giving all of it to you, that you gently remind me who you are.

Thank you all for your love and support!

Your friend,

T