Looking To Lesotho

Looking to Lesotho is the name of this photograph by J. Adamson.The photo was taken, standing in South Africa, and looking to Lesotho.

I can visualize myself standing by that ragged tree looking to the mountain kingdom.  Does my son live there?

I could not be more blessed.  SO many people have reached out to me and are getting daily reminders to join me and my family in prayer for our son and for the process. I am so grateful and speechless.

I have so much to say about the roller coaster of feelings I have gone through in the last two days. But this picture captures so much of it.  The feeling of being alone, while the reality is that a much larger tree is surrounding me.  The beauty of looking toward something that could be so amazing. The hope of seeing the mountains in the distance, and the realization that the mountain top is still a long way away.

  I told some friends at work that I am beginning to believe I am Spiritually Bipolar.  Moment to moment, I move from utter confidence and faithfulness that the Lord has already claimed victory of this adoption, to low lows of forgetting The Lord's promises and maybe even his love and Grace. I can tear up at the drop of a hat.  I cry when I am spiritually 'up', praying and praising.  And I tear up when I am spiritually down, feeling hopeless and defeated. 

I have been gifted with many who will not let me dwell on the negative.  They find ways to find flaws in my best arguments against hope.  And for that I am thankful.  But to all you other families who are adopting, we know that five days feels a lot heavier than it would seem using logic. We know that it is five more days of hope that will be needed, and when you are running on fumes, we are left to wonder how to make it those five days.

 Last week (and many previous weeks), my pastor's sermon was on hope. (how timely).  He spoke of many hopeless moments found in the Bible that The Lord used for his purpose. The pastor's summation was this:

It is always too early to give up hope. (-Pastor Phil Taylor, Carbondale Assembly of God, on the West Side ;) )

I am leaning on that.  

And so that is where I am.  Tired. Happy.  Excited. Worried. Fearful.  But most of all, Loved.

I plan to update my prayer list soon to include the extra days.  So look forward to that.

Thank you all.  

T