I was living in a kind of denial about the money part of adoption. It wasn't until a family member asked about how much the cost would be total and how much we have saved. When her reaction was something like "Oh MY!" I realized how big the difference sounded. So, Michael and I spent Saturday filling out the many grant/fundraiser/loan applications I have gathered to help us fund this adoption. It felt a lot like we were doing our taxes. I got stressed and irritable. He sat quietly crunching numbers. And as we added up the estimated cost, it suddenly felt very real and very overwhelming. All there, written in white and black, the estimated value of our possessions, our estimated debt. All on one to three pages (depending on which application). Some apps wanted annual reporting, some wanted monthly, and two wanted both reported.
We survived the filling in of boxes. We have moved on to paragraph writing and copy making picture taking. I feel in some way that we some how don't deserve the help of these organizations. That if only at 21 I hadn't been so financially irresponsible :) or something? But what good is regret? My faith rests in the Lord's plan not for myself, but for my son. I find peace in knowing that Jesus died for my son, and so he will help an irresponsible fool like me make a home for his precious child.
No comments:
Post a Comment