A simple Saturday morning post

I wrote a long post that was all about me.  So I erased it.  Here were the key points:
A. I am embarrassed about my last self-pitying post.  But it is really what I was experiencing, so at least it was honest.
B. I had a stressful job.  I decided to leave it. I am sad about it.  But I found what I am calling easy happiness, and I'm grateful for the light feeling of being able to handle things in my life again. I feel like I am rediscovering who I used to be.   I have had lots of joy in my last few years, but lightness was gone. I'm glad its back.
C.  I am optimistic that this easy happiness will help me manage this last stretch of the adoption journey.
D. I am back to feeling excited about M.  I am less worried about the "when?" , and focused more on the "when..." (an expectant less stressful more joyful hope and belief in our shared future).

This is a picture of Sani Pass in Lesotho. I love images of my son's country.  I also like the loopyness

of this road.  It feels familiar. 

 I feel like we are on the last loop on our way to meet our son :)

So there is that summation.  There is more important stuff for you to know about.

There are some serious needs right now in Lesotho. I am sharing the blog below, as it depicts some of the needs.  My heart breaks for the needs of children both here, in Lesotho, and around the globe.  This blog is from the family running Beautiful Gate, the orphanage where my son lives.  In your prayers today and throughout the week, please lift up this situation, these children, this orphanage, and the family and staff members who are diligently doing the Lord's work.

http://ourbeautifulmission.blogspot.com/

A new kind of wait

Forgive this and my previous posts. I am writing from my cell phone, so editing is even worse than usual.

I have been trying to figure out how to express the feelings I have in this new section of waiting, but the feelings only make sense in the context of my thoughts, so let me explain what that is like in a day:
(Imagine me Driving my car or doing some other normal activity. Something randomly sparks a thought of M)

I have a son! Yes! I have a son. That is crazy it has finally happened. What is he like? When will we meet him? WHEN!?!?!? Oh crap, I need to go get him. "Dear Jesus, please make this happen quickly." M is growing up in an orphanage. I need to go get him so he can begin bonding and forming resilience. Oh, but don't be so worried. He is in such a lovely orphanage. I feel confident he is loved. Whew I am thankful for that. BUT what if this takes a long time? What of the US state dept is confused about The Hague? How long will Lesotho take to get a court date? How long will my baby grow up without me? Ah, but The Lord has provided for M he will continue. "thank you Jesus!". I wonder what he looks like!?!? I have a son! That is crazy!


So this is a pretty rapid cycle of what my brain goes through on a fairly regular basis. Joy turns into longing incredibly quickly and then back. I am gifted in worrying and so cycles can include financial worries, work worries, travel worries, Rosebud worries. In fact as I am writing this, I am feeling a little convicted about not giving this all to The Lord . What am I gaining from this? I guess just feeling like worrying is doing something as I wait for my son, in a time that there is not much that I can do :( Well, actually There is plenty to do. I have a grant to apply for. A passport for Rosebud to obtain. And other similar tasks.

I have started some fun things. I have enjoyed reading about parenting. I have started Pinning nursery ideas on Pinterest. I have mentally rearranged our house to accommodate our member. But I guess part of me is still hesitant. I believe we will united with our son, but mostly I worry about the when.

Bam. That is the truth of where I am. Missing M and loving him already.


As I use this blog for my own kind of therapeutic intervention, I am attaching a pic of a verse sent to me while I waited for a matching meeting. It is clear I still need it now :)

A Brother for Rosebud!!!!!!

We have a baby boy! He is five months old and we are going to call him M (on this blog). It makes me think of James Bond :)

So what happens next you ask? We wait. We wait for documents to be compiled. Physical exams. For a pic to be sent! For a court date! And for the green light to go get our M. How long will that take? I have no answer to that! I pray daily that our time apart will be miraculously short.

In the wait, I have started reading adoption parenting books. I did not start then before because I thought I would be more motivated once matched. I inserted a pic of the book below. It has been very informative!

I want to write about what this stage of waiting is like, but I haven't found the right words. I will save it for the next blog.

For now: Praise The Lord! For his faith, grace and love. For being faithful to His promise and for loving our son! I pray that I continue to lean on Him for the rest of this journey!

I want to say a special thanks to my prayer partners through this journey! I can never say how much it truly mean to me!!!

Thanks all!

Tara G