Authenticity

I have always felt somewhat embarrassed about my own personality traits that cause me to disclose tons about myself.  I call it 'living out loud'.  People get to know the good and the bad pretty quickly.  Recently though, I feel called to become more transparent. I want to be authentic.  I feel this quirk about me can maybe be useful, to let others know that I, this screw up of a young lady, who makes social errors, says things she shouldn't, and has truly selfish thoughts, am in love with Jesus. While this blog is mostly about my family's adoption journey, I wanted to put out there for whoever is interested, what I mean when I talk about my God.


 For those of you who don't know me, I want to tell you what I believe.  I believe that there is a God, who wants a relationship with all of his children, so much so that he sent his son to die for you and for me.  (If you want more information on why a son would have to die, please comment or email me.  I would love to talk to you about this). The amazement that comes with knowing Christ is understanding that being good is not the requirement.  Through Mercy, we are able to have a relationship with our God, a relationship that we will never earn or deserve, but one that is already offered to us. Finding God’s love for us is less about our own actions and more about figuring out what is already there. The Lord is actively seeking after each of us.  Loving us when we are our most unlovable.  (Like I mentioned earlier, if you want to know more about what I mean, shoot me an email, or if you have my number, call! J )


And so in previous and future posts, this is the God I am speaking of.  I am talking about the Lord who created the universe and who loves me, who loves my family, and whose heart breaks for the hungry and the poor in the same way it breaks for the rich and the lost.  If any thing I ever write about God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, or anything else is confusing or compelling, please email me: taramglenn@yahoo.com. I know I will not have all the answers, but it will be nice to hear from you ;)

Grants, Loans, and Fundraisers...Oh MY!

I was living in a kind of denial about the money part of adoption.  It wasn't until a family member asked about how much the cost would be total and how much we have saved.  When her reaction was something like "Oh MY!"  I realized how big the difference sounded. So, Michael and I spent Saturday filling out the many grant/fundraiser/loan applications I have gathered to help us fund this adoption.  It felt a lot like we were doing our taxes.  I got stressed and irritable. He sat quietly crunching numbers.  And as we added up the estimated cost, it suddenly felt very real and very overwhelming.  All there, written in white and black, the estimated value of our possessions, our estimated debt.  All on one to three pages (depending on which application).  Some apps wanted annual reporting, some wanted monthly, and two wanted both reported. 

We survived the filling in of boxes.  We have moved on to paragraph writing and copy making picture taking.  I feel in some way that we some how don't deserve the help of these organizations.  That if only at 21 I hadn't been so financially irresponsible :) or something? But what good is regret? My faith rests in the Lord's plan not for myself, but for my son.  I find peace in knowing that Jesus died for my son, and so he will help an irresponsible fool like me make a home for his precious child.

Rosebud turns two

Rosebud is turning two, and I can't believe it.  I rocked her to sleep tonight, and spent more time than needed holding her in my arms.  She is so long! Every new moment I have thought... this is it, it can't get any better than this.  But it does.  So now at two, as I grow to know her more and more, I am excited about the future moments.  I miss my little tiny but love my big girl too much to trade. 

Missionaries make good friends

Here is why: One of my fantastic sister-in-laws is a missionary.  She has a friend who is a missionary, who has a friend who is a missionary, who happens to have worked in Lesotho for quite some time and has continued ties to the nation.  Through this kind friend of a friend of a sister-in-law, I have learned so much about Lesotho.  (I plan to add the info to the Lesotho tab, but want to check with her to make sure it is okay with her first. ) I am SURE there are many more reasons missionaries make good friends, but I like to think about what friends can do for me ;) {j/k} and right now, missionary friends are helping me make great connections :)

It has been SO difficult to find out much info about the people, children, music, and food of this nation, and feel so blessed to make this connection and learn so much.  THANKS TO YOU MISSIONARY (you know who you are).  I would put your name in my blog, but I didn’t ask permission….   On top of all that, she provided fantastic insight and ideas for what items to pick up in the nation, what important cultural connections to gather for our son, and other important transition ideas.  I am so excited to continue to pick her brain!  Thanks again!

So far, I have no new news about our dossier or home study. However, our home study agency did send us an official copy, so Michael and I will be able to send off an application to the fundraising organization we are hoping to partner with. We are hoping to get that finished up and sent out by Monday.  We continued to be blessed by friends and family.  Thanks to all of you.  It makes me cry a bit, and I’m usually not able to type about it.  There I go.  Anyway, thank you all for your loving support!  Will continue to keep you posted!

THE MEETING

So, the super important meeting in Lesotho went well.  Not much has changed.  They are going to attempt to have four matching meetings a year to match children with families.  We are continuing to wait until we hear anything back from the director of our agency about our dossier and home study.  Sorry to leave you hanging about that and thanks for all of the prayers!

What's going on

Things have been moving positively.  Our home study is almost complete!  We reviewed it and it has been sent to our Adoption Agency for final edit & approval.  Our dossier has been completed and sent, missing only a few minor documents.  We recieved our renewed passports yesterday, so I will be able to send those to be added to the dossier.  Everything seems to be going well on our side of things!  We still do not have the first payment we need for the next step of the process. The homestudy took longer than we expected (waiting on background checks, paperwork, etc).  The homestudy is an important part of the application process to most fundraising/grant organizations, and so we are not in the place we had hoped to be at this point.  But, God is good and our family and friends have been so helpful, we know that we are super blessed. So now, my time will be spent essay writing/filling out applications for fundraising opportunities. 

On the other side of things, I spoke to the adoption agency director last week, and she is headed to a meeting in Lesotho.  I stole and/or borrowed the below post from another blog I follow. This family is just a few months ahead of us with their adoption from Lesotho.  Her post describes the need for prayer for the upcoming meeting, and I wanted to share it. She seems better informed than I am about what is going on with the meeting, and what to be prayerful about.

The original blog post can be found at : http://florafamilycalling.blogspot.com/  We will wait to hear what comes out of this meeting, praying and hoping for the best, and staying faithful that the Lord's will will be done.

Here is what was written:
In 2 days, October 20th, there will be an important meeting taking place in Lesotho between the Lesotho Department of Social Welfare and the adoption agency reps.  Please join me and those waiting for their child to come home in praying specifically over these areas:

1) pray for clarity of roles and processes and for relationships to be healed
 

2) pray against confusion and the spirit of competition and control

3) pray for cooperation and a focus on the best interests of these orphaned and vulnerable children.

4) pray that God will act mightily to defend the weak and the fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed; rescue the weak and the needy (Psalm 82:3)

5) pray for the children and families that have already been matched and those who are still waiting for that step to take place

END of her post.

Thanks to all of you who are keeping up with us through the process.  If you ever have questions or want to chat, hit me up!  HEARTS!

Few things still left...and then more waiting :)

We are currently wrapping up the last few items of the home study.  Answering a few questions here and there.  We are also finishing up all of our documents for our dossier.  Needing a few signatures, a notary, etc.  We have also been taking pictures of every room of our house.  That has been quite lovely, as our home is much cleaner and it spurred Michael into de-cluttering our office.  Michael and I just wrote our letter to the Lesotho government and sent a draft to AFAA (our adoption agency).  Since we have no clue what we are doing, we are hoping for some constructive criticism :) 

Rosebud started preschool in August, and is growing more fond of it as time passes. The teachers let us know that she does great with them, but as one of them eloquently put it, Rosebud doesn't seem to understand the 'freakshow' that is the whole gaggle of children.  Having not been around gobs of kiddos, I think she sometimes gets overwhelmed.  But she comes home singing songs, doing yoga, and smiling, so that counts for something!  A little socialization twice a week will be good for her. 

I think of our son often.  I wonder what his name is.  If he has been born.  If his family is okay.  If he is okay.  I haven't even gotten into the thick of it yet, and adoption is already a much more emotional process than I had imagined.  We have fun anticipating his arrival to our family.  How long will it be?  We speculate on Rosebud's reaction and on our own.  It is fun to guess about things like this. Like an expectant mother wondering if her child will have hair or no hair, birthmarks, blue eyes, dark eyes, etc., we have our own curiosities.

 It seems like people feel sorry for us when I tell them we are in for a long wait.  But we aren't sad.  We believe in God's time and are enjoying Rosebud's early childhood.  We are figuring out our parenting strengths, and where we can improve :) As someone who likes to be in control of most things, its nice to have this adoption thing be so outside of my control that I can go with the flow, an attitude I pray to uphold ;)

Baby Fever

For the first time since Rosebud was born, I feel like it would be lovely to be pregnant.  I really never thought I would feel that way, since pregnancy = hormonal craziness.  I guess it is the way of biology. My brain is forgetting the difficult moments, and only remember the joyous ones.  And as my Rosebud gets bigger and bigger, I think part of the yearning is for her to slow down and stay my baby. 

I'm glad to have this feeling and so glad that the adoption process has been started.  Now I have something to tell my uterus when it starts telling me it wants to start on another beautiful life.  So sorry womb, our next baby will be or has been created somewhere else.  During the wait, I have family and friends who are enjoying the new beginnings of having little ones, and it has been pretty stinkin' fun to be a part of it!

Finally... an update

It has been awhile since I posted anything!  Things have picked up at my new job, and Rosebud is adjusting to preschool (finally).  It is just two days a week, but she has had a hard time missing Mimi and Pawpaw.

Our home study is underway. We are waiting for our DHS background checks to clear and then our home study agency should be able to finish up.  We also need to expedite our updated passports. Not only for our adoption, but also so we can flee to a private island once the economy crashes (thanks Euro!).  We don't really have a private island.. .just so we are clear on that. I was joking.

In this time, Michael and I continue to pray for our son and for our family.  We will probably be adopting a son that is older than we first imagined, and so we are praying that our hearts adjust to the needs of the country and to the needs of our son.  I have my own concerns that an older child could possibly mean higher risk of special attachment needs, and so I pray that Michael and I are up for parenting a child who will need extra compassion, patience, and consistency.  I will be reading reading reading, so if anyone has good suggestions, let me know! I am also bouncing names around, but realize that if our son is older when we meet him, he will already have a name.  I would like something cute to call him, like when pregnant women refer to their babies as 'peanuts' or 'sea monkey'.  Peanut seems a little weird at this point.  So, email me if you have any good nickname suggestions!

So that is where we are.  Waiting, gathering, checking and double checking documents. And enjoying every second with Rosebud :)

Coffee Promo: Wednesday June 15th

Just Love Coffee is having a promotion tomorrow.
If you buy 3 bags of coffee, you will receive a 13 oz bag of coffee free!
The free coffee will not be displayed on your order confirmation, so do not be alarmed.
If you order your first three bags of coffee ground, then the free bag will be the same; otherwise, expect it to be wholebean.

Thanks for your support! and happy caffeine Wednesday!
www.justlovecoffee.com/glennfamily

Prized Ones

I would love to hear your comments about this video.  I have some thoughts, but hope that people will watch the video before I say much about it.

Support

We dove in today and started our first fundraiser for bringing our son home.  It is so exciting and scary and exciting.  It has been very difficult for me to ask for financial support for this, for a variety of reasons discussed on this blog previously, but know that the Lord works through others’ blessings. We chose an adoption fundraiser called Just Love Coffee for many reasons.  First, it was one of the only fundraisers we could find that would help us in this early stage of the process. Second, I like coffee.  Third, the Free Trade coffee benefits not only us, but the local farmers in countries where it is truly needed. The website for those interested is:

www.justlovecoffee.com/GlennFamily

Our intention is to also provide other opportunities for fundraising/contributions. We have added a link to donate if you are not interested in coffee :).  It is placed in the right hand corner of this blog. Also, look for updates on the blog!

BUT more important than people’s financial support, we would ask for your prayer support.  This will be a long journey.  This is our first effort to really make this adoption adventure public.  We are excited to let others know.  Our prayer requests are for the Lord’s will to be done; for our son; for the family of our son and the many events that may surround his early life; and for this process to strengthen our faith and commitment to the Lord.

I had a fantastic conversation with the agency director today, and I’m so excited about what is in store for us. 

There is no pause button

Life just keeps moving.  I just keep wondering, doesn't Time know that I am trying to get the ball rolling on my adoption? But if Time knows, he doesn't care.  Even though we are going through this process of crazy information gathering, phone calls, preparing, etc., the rest of my life is still going on.  It is not upsetting, it is just weird. I take my eye off this thing called adoption for just a moment, and the next thing I know, six days have gone by and I have not gotten anything  new done.

It just seems so slow going, but life seems so fast.  I'm not sure what I expected.  Because a lot of the information/documents need to wait until after I've transitioned to my new full-time job, it just seems that things must wait. BUT, at the same time, it seems like I can't find the time to retrieve all the paperwork I need that could get done now. And so that is where we are...taking small steps every few days. Like a tiny mouse eating a large pizza.  Its a big task, but I'll get it done. It will just take patience and it might give me indigestion.

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Pondering but not Worrying

As this process becomes more and more real, something dawned on me. Oh yeah, we don't have the money for this yet.  I am completely faithful, and believe that the Lord has planned this for our lives. It's hard for me to think about relying on other's generosity for this adoption.  It must be some weird combination of not wanting to be selfish but also maybe being a bit prideful. BUT, ultimately, I know that the Lord has called us all to care for the widowed and the orphaned.  We have already been blessed by others who have felt led to contribute to our efforts.  And so, Mike and I are prayerfully considering the ways in which to reach out to others.  There are so many amazing ministries that help adoptive parents with fundraising, that we will be working to determine what is the best fit for our family. I have plans to post our progress soon. 

I am amazed at the Lord's peace about this adoption.  If you know me, you know that I can be a stress-bucket. So it's a miracle that as I sit here with so many unknowns, I feel His calming peace and assurance. 

Excel'ing

I opened up the dossier list from our agency last night.  I was quickly overwhelmed by the amount of work to be done! So I spent some time, and put it all in an Excel spreadsheet... to track what I've requested/received/compiled/etc.  I had no idea how much my husband (an Excel addict)  had influenced me in our 4.5 years of marriage until this moment.  But now, I see the merit in using the program.  There are columns, and color coding, and highlighting. And somehow, all of this has made me feel better. While I have achieved very little in creating the document, I somehow feel slightly more accomplished, slightly more organized, and slightly less behind. 

I understand why adoption is called a paper pregnancy.  I think about my son everyday now.  And so while I do not have a growing belly, I will have a growing dossier binder.

Looking to Africa

For my husband and I, adoption has been part of the plan for growing our family, even before we were married.  We are blessed to have a beautiful little girl, two cats, and a very large dog.  We have considered starting an adoption throughout the last year, finally settling on starting the process once I complete my graduate program.  And so now, as we plan to add a child to our lives, we prepare ourselves to start this process.

The Lord has placed it on my heart that my son is on the continent of Africa.  As we researched and prayed, we found the Lesotho Adoption program. Lesotho is a small country that lies in the middle of South Africa.  The orphan rate is 16-30 %, and is considered to be possibly the highest rate per capita  in the world. This last Monday, we turned our application in to our agency to adopt from this small country, and are waiting for an acceptance.  While we wait, this is what we pray....

1. That the Lord's will be done.
2. For our son's well-being, protection, safety, and that he be loved by his caretakers while we wait for him to come home.
3. For our son's family, whatever the case may be and the people who love him. 
4. That Christ's church continues to hear and respond to the needs of orphans
5. For the patience and endurance the journey may require

There are so many unknowns.  It is so early in the process.  But I dare to be excited, and look to Africa.